i.d

Today was a very, very unique day as i was able to experience both a highlight and also come to a realization of something that was very painful. A simple fact - I suck at bowling. A sport, if even called that, but a game nonetheless without purpose and void of any skill has become something that i detest and despise. A competitive person at heart, in seeing my low score on the monitor in comparison to the fellow competitors playing beside me, my heart breaks at what it displays. Such injustice and inequality is it displays not only my skill but also shows my lack in character and manhood as i am unable to rise to the occasion. They are able to elevate their score, yet consequently mine simply stays the same. What game is this, where i cannot win?
However on a positive note, i was able to see Ironman today, a great movie in my mind, filled with great effects and even having a good story line for a comic book movie. And in seeing this movie and this character of Tony Sparks who transformed into this machine that is iconic of heroism and all that is good, one draws comparison between the man and the mask. Can a man be more than what he is, by simply dressing different and thereby leading him to act differently. If Tony Sparks didn't have the armor and the suit, who would he be? Would he be any less of a man, could he evoke any less of an influence on the world? Such questions cause me to think about who I am. If a suit is able to change a man into being an icon of goodness that saves the world, what must i wear to even inspire the least of changes in this world. What must i do in order to make a difference? Is it even possible to change who i am to become another man by merely changing my outlook and outer self? Although far fetched and even insane, these comparisons between fictitious superheroes and myself cause me to think of these similarities. Im not exactly sure what im trying to say, i mean i guess if Ironman and all that he stands for and does is built on something as minuscule as a mask, what are the things that i must change and alter to become better and different? Maybes its not my appearance or building a suit of armor, but what are the small things in my life right now that deter me from being and living up to my full potential. What's holding me back and what are the things that i must build upon to approach that next thing that i must do in order to simply become better, an upgrade of Derek as of now.