My First Year
Prologue:
It is important to note that what is written does not reflect the man that I am. Rather what is written stands as an icon and a model of who I want to become someday. The advice and guideline that is outlined is written for myself and for the readers. Therefore understand that the writing reflects what I feel, and does not reflect who I am. Also the intention of this was written for the male species. Therefore understand that some of the content might seem a little bias and unusual if not understood correctly.
So what can I say? My first year at U of T has been somewhat… unique. Living on residence, on a floor full of guys and having to share a room with someone who barely spoke English was well, a new experience for me. I graduated High School with high hopes and ambitions of change, of wanting to become a different more mature individual. It was a new beginning and a new chapter of my life and I had one thing on my mind and that was to completely and to utterly change. Leaving home and taking up rez at St. Mikes in September I set out to meet as many new people as possible. Unfortunately U of T being somewhat predominately Asian, I somehow found myself joining several Asian exclusive clubs such as CASS (Canadian Asian Student Society), HKS (Hong Kong Society), and CCF (Chinese Christian Fellowship). Coming from a high school with practically no Asians enrolled, and being thrown into this very cultural and ethnic atmosphere, especially my roommate being straight out of Hong Kong, I had become what I hated and dreaded for most of my life. A Fob wannabe. I don’t know exactly where it began or what triggered this transformation but before I knew it, I was speaking more Cantonese than English. I was constantly surrounded by some sort of Asian figure. I began listening to Chinese Music and even started watching Chinese television programs. If I was in high school and I saw who I had become I would definitely beat myself up. Although being more Asian was a large factor of my change, I realized that somehow in the process I gained this new sense of confidence. I now had the uncanny ability to meet new people and somehow even be able to talk to girls. I mean I now could be able to carry on a conversation without staring at the floor or stuttering in sweat. In doing so I met some great people, great friends who made this year unlike any other. Thank you to those who have contributed to making this year one of my best and making some great memories. I have learned that true loyalty is not found through times of enjoyment and ease, yet it is constantly tested and it is through the hardship and perseverance that friendship and truth is finally founded upon.
It is often said that you yourself cannot define the type of person you are, but rather it is those around you that can define who you truly are. I agree with that. It is by knowing those around you and having that trust in them that strengthens and re-establishes your faith and values.
Remember that a key aspect in University is to find and strengthen your independence. University is a phase of independence, and therefore you are forced and required to adjust to the lifestyle of living alone. Therefore no longer will you have that person in your life to help do your laundry or to have a meal prepared for you three times a day (unless you live with a meal plan, then by all means you’re hooked up) but even if you do have a meal plan, in a very short amount of time you will get sick of it and therefore you will be looking for alternate means of dining. Oxford dictionary defines an individual as someone possessing or, “existing as a distinct entity.” To be separate and to be somewhat unique is what individuality truly means. Yet through the hardships of needing to do your own laundry, of feeding yourself and cleaning after yourself, the opportunity and the sacrifice of living on ones own is worth it all. Laundry costs $2.50 to wash and dry, McDonalds is open 24 hours at special locations and if you have a cool or really tidy roommate, don’t stress over cleaning. In living by yourself you gain this freedom, this independence that is incredibly awesome for an 18 or 19 year old. The ability to just relax in your room or your friend’s until dawn while doing absolutely nothing or chillin’ (which we will go into further detail later), is worth all the troubles. As well after living on your own for even a short time period, you find that you can no longer live with your family anymore. You become addicted to the freedom and it is something that your home and family can no longer provide.
Yet rez and living on your own is a network. You become linked to other people and they become your somewhat, “new family.” You can now live with other people that are similar to you and therefore you discover that all of you are able to face this new phase of life together. It’s remarkable really, and it’s something that every man and woman must go through. However, along with the hype of fun comes a change.
A great man once said that, “with great power comes great responsibility.” In living alone you develop not only great ties with friends but also you begin to understand yourself. You realize that your parents or guardians no longer care about your marks or what time you go to sleep at. They worry, yet there really is no way for them to know about your new adjusted life. No more yelling and shouting and forcing to do homework, you’re on your own. Therefore understand that yes you have this great freedom and this incredible network of friends, yet realize also that your life is now in your own hands. Trust me, everyone in University or at least most people go to sleep at around 2 or 3 am, regardless of their classes the next day. All-nighters become a common thing, and by no means are these all-nighters for educational purposes. You find yourself eating more McDonalds and you soon realize that you now know all the days of the McDeal. I mean yes you can do whatever you want but at the same time you must control and understand that the life that you live now is for yourself.
You need to learn that control and sacrifice are needed in order to succeed in all areas of life. Sleeping late and irregular sleeping habits are a common thing in University yet they are extremely detrimental to one’s health. Fast food, especially at night is horrible for you. Also realize when to study. Study hard and study with intent to do well, because by all means University is about grades. Give the time to studying and make the sacrifice to study in the library (again the library is a great place for many, many reasons). Do what is required and focus on ultimately what is it that is important. It is often said that a lifestyle should be focused around this aspect, “Work hard, play harder.” If you study, study like your going to fail and that if don’t do well you’re going to have to move back to your parents. Yet once you’ve taken the necessary time in studying, then by all means have fun. Get drunk, go clubbing (will be further explained), go party, do whatever it is you do, knowing that you have done what is required. Independence is great for many reasons, but most important is that it establishes and it forms oneself to become in control and to realize the responsibilities that come with living and being in charge of one’s own life.
As well it is important to realize who gives a shit what other people think. There are around 70,000 students at U of T. who cares what one or two of them think of you. Be yourself. Be a man. If they don’t like you, or if they think you’re a loser, screw them. If they actually take the time to criticize then they’re bigger losers than you think. Don’t care what other people think, just make sure that those specific ones whose opinion of you actually matters has a good impression of you. These include your friends, family and most importantly the potentially hot girl sitting across from you in the library.
On a side note, I recently watched a documentary focused on children in Hong Kong who are underprivileged and in poverty. The show portrayed several young children and in particular focused on this 11 year old Chinese girl. This girl having to go to school everyday is unable to afford for public transit and so she has to walk 40 minutes everyday there and back to get to school. She goes home to a room no larger than a typical bedroom where she lives in with her two parents and little brother. In Hong Kong there are common apartments that are divided into large rooms where 5 or 6 typical families live in sharing a single washroom and kitchen, in which case a family of four often have to live in bunk beds in a single room. As well, in Hong Kong people are unable to afford a refrigerator and therefore they need to shop everyday for groceries. However those that are in such poverty are unable to afford a decent meal every night and therefore this little girl goes around the street market at night, asking for meat and vegetables that are no longer fresh and therefore can no longer be sold. The program then shifts to two siblings, a brother 13 years old and younger sister 11. Again this is a family of four living in a single room and needing to beg for spoiled and unwanted food every night. Several times a week these two kids who are no different from you and I go around the city looking for old newspaper and cardboard so that they can sell it and make some money. Several hours of searching and pushing a cart full of old newspaper pays about $14 Hong Kong. That’s around $2 Canadian. Often after school they would walk and browse through stores and see the toys that they desired yet unable to ever attain. The reporter asked the little girl what she wanted the most, and she quickly and optimistically answered Sushi. Being 11 and never having tried sushi, she dreamed of tasting it.
As the show ended what surprised me the most was the reporter estimated that around 370,000 children in Hong Kong are in that type of economic crises. Hong Kong is one of the richest and striving cities in the world, and it stands as an icon of modernity and a model utopia for the rest of Asia. Yet at the same time, in this capital of freedom and privilege lives 370,000 children that are hungry and cold. In business it is often realized that in order to make money you need money, and that in a society such as ours the rich will get richer and the poor will consequently get poorer. So as the modern world enters the 21st century, and after years of consequence and realization from past history, the human race is inevitably forced to remain in the shadows of evolution. We are no different from the past. By focusing on the problem and the race to achieve economic power and dominance, we forgot the problems that exists at the foundation of civilization and that is the people. We ignore the cries and hardships that exist at the economic level and we forge toward progressions of money and economic dominance. How sad has our way of life become? Hitler in World War II strove to unite his dream of a pure Germany, to end the poverty and shame of his own people inflicted upon them for WW1, yet in doing so he murdered 5 million innocent Jewish men, women and children. To save his own race he killed another. Chairman Mao has been hailed as the leader of the China Republic for uniting China and bringing about an economic and dominant power of leadership, in short Communism. Yet in striving and pursuing for this goal, he willingly murdered 7 million of the very people that he strove to save. He killed 7 million of his own people, and no dream and no pursuit is worth that cost. In this world that we live in, we often forge on toward some goal yet in doing so we ignore the consequences and the price of achieving that goal and we inflict even greater harm. We aim toward a belief for power and for money yet we forget the very people that we are trying to save. Therefore I am pleading to this new generation and to the future leaders of tomorrow to understand that to save our future we must first realize and save our present.
As I’m watching this documentary I’m sitting in my leather couch, infront of my 34” Sony television with High Definition in my 4 bedroom apartment located in the heart of North York. As I am sitting there, I’m thinking about the differences between my life and the life of those children in Hong Kong. Why is it that I can have so much and yet half way around the world, they seem to have nothing? Why is it that I can afford to eat whatever I want and buy whatever I want and not have to worry about the financial problems of tomorrow knowing that I am safe and secured? Why am I here in this world, in a society that that has limitless opportunities and the ability and encouragement to dream knowing that as long I try hard there’s a better life out there for me? I mean, what is it that makes my life, so lucky and fortunate yet at the same time children my age who are from the same heritage are so unfortunate? And finally a last question comes to mind. Why is it that I already have so much, yet I still dream for more luxury knowing that there are those that so less fortunate than me.
Last November I went on this 3 day trip to Montreal with several friends. In three days I spent close to $600 dollars. $600 in three days! Recalling this event I’m thinking, what the hell is wrong with me? I mean there’s no answer or justification that can explain for this behaviour yet somehow I spent that money. In a society that is focused around the belief that money is power, I somehow have ignored and forgotten the value and hardship in attaining that source of power. I have become what I have dreaded the most, a spoiled Asian kid. Although this topic has little correlation to what University life is about, I’m simply trying to express some sort of global awareness. To try to enlighten today’s educated and the leaders of tomorrow of what we cherish and what we at times take advantage of. Growth is often regarded to understanding oneself and growing in individualism, yet it is important to realize and to cherish our current state of living. As students and as moral beings we must be aware of what is outside our peaceful state of society and to realize that we are so, so lucky. So therefore pay attention to what you spend and to what you take for advantage.
Having completed this year in residence, I have discovered that my favourite hobby, pastime and social activity is not sports or playing videogames, but rather it is merely the act of chillin. Chillin by my definition is just simply being around friends, having a conversation about a topic that has no serious or significant value or importance. The act of chillin is a phenomenon that allows people to come together, to be joined and to share. It is by far the greatest experience that one can achieve. Throughout this year, the ability and the opportunity to chill with my friends has strengthened our friendship and wasted a lot of time that I am for sure glad to have wasted. The key and direction behind the art of chillin is to converse and to talk about something that is completely pointless and to be able to continue talking and sharing about that pointless topic. It’s somewhat hard to explain what exactly chillin is, rather it is simply an experience. On a personal account, my favourite and most memorable memories this year was spent just walking up and down Bloor Street. I can’t remember how many times I walked along that street with my friends and this was when all the shops were closed and we just talked and walked. In this one occasion my friend and I went into this building at around 2am and just sat on some bench speaking French. I personally can’t speak French but we spent quite some time just speaking to one another in French. It is often interesting to notice how quickly and how unusually the conversation often jumps from one topic to another. Try counting and recording the different subjects and topics that a conversation crosses through and you will be amused by the differences and randomness in the conversation. My favourite part of Toronto is this large rock that is situated in Yorkville on Bay and Bloor. It’s literally this large humungous rock and you just sit there talking. For some reason I just love that spot and again spent a lot of time there talking for no reason. Chillin is great and it is incredibly fun, and the main focus is that it doesn’t matter what it is you talk about. Regardless of the topics and complete randomness in the conversation, the key component to realize is that chillin is about the act of simply sharing and being around one another. All I can say is just go out find some friends and get some BBT then find a rock and talk.
Clubbing is a unique and interesting place to hang out on a Friday night. Clubbing is an unusual thing, it’s really a matter of one’s personal preference, which means that you either hate it or love it. I myself have not understood the philosophy and the exact game plan toward clubbing. Yet for some, clubbing is a great time to hang out with your friends and just dance away the night, for others it’s a hunt. A guy enters a club with one objective in mind and as unfortunate as that sounds it’s the basic truth for a lot of people. A guy enters a club looking and scanning for potential girls, and then initiates the intention of meeting the girl by the simple movement and gesture of the touch and grab. In many ways and as pathetic as it seems it’s like a buffet where guys just go from one girl to the next doing the touch and grab. Yet by no means is the guy at complete fault for this. I mean the girls that enter the club are dressed to please and they are dressed to stand out and to capture the attention of the male primate. Therefore a clubnight is a matter of baiting and hunting, as primitive as that sounds. I mean the entire atmosphere is set for this one objective, the lights are dimmed thereby making everyone more attractive, alcohol is sold and again distorting the vision and thus making everyone appear more attractive, the music is usually hip hop or rap which means the dancing is basically grinding, and of course everyone is dressed nice and tidy. Dim lights mixed with alcohol and mixed with tons of young fertile individuals in a very compact area, it doesn’t take a genius to realize what clubbing really is.
All in all clubbing is a phase and it is a fun time when you’re of legal age or when you have a good fake id, but it is a phase nonetheless. So have fun, and go drink. Go clubbing and get hooked up and realize the fun of it all. Because in the end you are paying to have fun and therefore have fun, also on a final note, learn how to dance. If you don’t know how to dance, then simply do the two step (taking one step to the left and then to the right and repeating).
In all things, University is not only a place for academic study, but it is equally important in determining the type of person one becomes. You will often be tested on what you believe as right and wrong. Your initial guidelines and strict morals will be swayed and they will often be bent. However, remember that yes you will change, that in itself is inevitable, yet change to become someone that you are proud of. High School was a phase of status and having certain roles to play out. Yet University is a time to destroy those barriers and that self inflicting charade that you had to put on for four years. Remember to stay firm and to never contradict what you believe and what you hold important. If possible become stronger and constantly be reminded that University is a period of influence and by living strong you not influence yourself but those around you. Remember to keep strong to your morals. Be a person that stands firm to tides of social pressure. Stand firm and be strong. As a Christian I understand that in this search for enlightenment and change, often times one must go the long way. Meaning that though there are shortcuts and there are ways to change by simply passing through the easy way, it is important to value the significance in overcoming certain barriers and obstacles in order to grow. By going the long way, and by constantly being bombarded by challenges and obstacle that defy and tests one’s belief and values we can reaffirm and re-establish what exactly it is we believe and why we believe. This belief that I am referring to is the understanding that we as individuals live this life knowing whether it be through God or because of our innate self, we believe that we are good and moral people. Therefore, stand firm to the tests that challenge the very nature and fibre of our moral grounding. Be strong and hold firm to your beliefs of morality and strong virtues and therefore do not give into peer pressure and ignore the little devil on your right shoulder. Also make sure that what you thought was bad in high school remain bad throughout University. Don’t let stuff slide.
Darkness is the absence of light as fear is the absence of certainty. As humans we fear because do not realize the outcome or understand the possible repercussions of our choices and decisions. Whereby one cannot experience the light without walking through the darkness and in such we cannot find certainty and truth without experiencing fear and obstacle. Therefore in realizing the fact that walking through and enduring is inevitable, we somehow have to overcome all fears in order to achieve peace and light. Fear is simply not knowing therefore logically by finding out what we don’t know we can destroy what we initially feared. Yet it is the course of nature in our pursuit toward the unknown that we fear. We are scared of heights, we are scared of spiders and we are scared of people. Therefore I urge you to conquer what it is your fear. For guys and for a lot of people the certain fear that I am specifically referring to is the fear of approaching and talking to new people. The fear to step up and the fear of rejection and humiliation is what we are scared of the most. I have no solution to overcoming this except to suck it up and go talk to random strangers, yet you need to realize and understand that this fear is a problem that drags you down. By being scared to talk to new people it is an anchor tying you down from growth. As mentioned above change and growth occurs with overcoming obstacles. Therefore overcoming one’s fears and challenges is most definitely an obstacle. In Franklin D. Roosevelt’s First Inaugural Address he stated, “So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” Therefore we fear the unknown which hinders us from going forward. Therefore attack and fight. Aja! Aja! Fighting! (Full House).
Don’t ever regret. Every decision, every action commit to it so that afterwards you can be proud that you did it. Don’t miss any opportunities and always, always step up. Take that chance because I guarantee no matter what it’ll be worth it, whether it be success or failure. And finally remember that all great things come at a risk. Don’t be scared to go for something you want because of a risk. Risk everything because all great things come at a risk.
In conclusion I’ll leave with this note of wisdom, “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” (Winston Churchill)
Have a good year.